I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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