I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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