I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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