you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
