I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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