She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Someone shit on the floor
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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