Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Blood and glitter go together right?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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