Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Randomize
