she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
