i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
