she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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