She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize