i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
