I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
