All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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