have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
