You smell like stripper and shame
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
These tits shall not be calmed
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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