Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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