It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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