I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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