Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
