you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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