I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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