I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
