A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
