He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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