well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
