you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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