oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
