Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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