what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
