dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
