Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
