Having a random hookup so left but love u
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
