This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
