I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
