Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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