Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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