dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
