His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
look no pants
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
