I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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