I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
