Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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