i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
