the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
