I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
