So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
