A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
