my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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