i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
