Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
