btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
